The One With Trump, Kim and Rahul

Imagine a country whose policies -both internal and foreign were dictated by the troika of Trump, Kim Jong Un and Rahul Gandhi. Let us even name this country-  The United States Of Bull-crap- which shall be known henceforth as the USB.It shall be located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. So Rahul Gandhi,Trump and Kim Jong-Un are the "leaders" (You know why that word is in double quotes😉😉)

Now for those who have been living under a rock (hi there 😏), I shall introduce these leaders and the various portfolios that they hold in the USB.

Trump

Trump is the black magician who managed to become the President of the USA in spite of making blasphemous claims all the time. He also holds the record for abusing the most number of races, religions and creeds in one speech - making him the only President in the world to be able to stake a claim to a place in the Guiness Book of World Records.

Kim Jong-Un

Now while you cannot expect much from a man who has a hyphen in his name, Kim Jong-Un manages to sink beneath those expectations as well. He is the 'genius' who has managed to isolate an entire nation from the rest of the world without actually building a wall(Basically he is a more economic Trump).

Rahul Gandhi

Rahul Gandhi is akin to a Donald Trump who has not managed to fool the people of his nation. He is a true blue politician -who believes that politics is in everyone's pants. He can maintain his calm in any situation unless you insult his God- Chotta Bheem 😂.

So in our mythical land, all three of them are Presidents and though all three of them hold the post simultaneously, each one of them is in charge of different departments.Trump is dictates foreign policy, Kim Jong-Un is in charge of the military and Rahul Gandhi is the supremo of internal affairs.

They rise to power in the year of 2020.. 

Now let us examine the situation of the world 4 years into their rule through a spokesperson for the government- Mr. BS 😉.

The entire landscape of world politics has changed along with the landscape of the world!! 

There is a huge wall built around the entire country. We find out from BS that this wall was built by President Trump in the first year itself . The spokesperson then quoted Trump in justifying the need for the wall- "To keep out all the black and all the brown fishes from entering the USB and to show the might of the construction companies of the USB." We are left baffled by this distinctive lack of logic but no sooner did we begin to question the motives than BS began to attack us claiming that Trump had warned them all about us- the 'believers', the name given to those who believed in the existence of mythical creatures called Obama and Modi who would save them!! We could not even tell them that such people did already exist as being cut off from the rest of the world, they were disconnected from the news around the world.

The fact that they were cut off from the rest of the world is on account of Kim Jong-Un's policies. One night , well into the second year of his rule, when Kim was taking his semi-annual bubble bath, the 'terrific' idea struck him. Inspired by the solitary upward flow of bubbles, he decided to isolate the entire country -thinking that like the bubbles, the entire country too would rise in prosperity. So the very next day he spoke to Trump and  cut off all international ties and agreements. 

BS also told us that Kim had organized the entire military effectively and even invented a new military formation called the 'Hair of Kim'. The entire army would organize themselves into a giant diorama of Kim Jong-Un's hair in this formation.

So we have come across a majority of the major reforms introduced by Kim Jong-Un and Trump in the first four years. But what about Rahul Gandhi? 

The spokesperson became really excited when he started talking about Rahul Gandhi. He stated that Rahul G was the most efficient and effective leader of the three and that in those 4 years he had improved the lives of all the citizens of the USB. He had removed poverty, solved the problem of unemployment and was building on an idea to boost the national economy. Of course, we being Indians were shocked!! I mean we were doubtful whether he was still talking about Rahul Gandhi, aapna (our) Rahul Gandhi- the punchline for every joke in India. We even began to wonder if we had grossly underestimated his prowess. But then BS began to expound on the 'miracles' performed by Rahul Gandhi and all became crystal clear. He had merely implemented the ideas he had presented before the Indian voters years ago. It was only due to the sheer stupidity and ignorance of the people of the USB that thoe ideas were executed.

To start off  with, he removed poverty by terming it as a state of mind and locking up every individual who claimed to be poor.This rapidly eliminated poverty from the nation . 

He also solved the age-old problem of unemployment by creating a government fund that an individual in a financial crisis could draw upon- provided he watched at bare minimum, 5 hours of Chotta Bheem each day. This scheme came to be known as the Ladoo foundation😂. However what really took the cake was the economic policy adopted by him. He decided to invest a significant portion of the nation's budget in buying sacks of of potatoes- He claimed this was a part of his new plan to mass produce gold by the conversion of potatoes via a machine. On hearing this, I was convinced that come hale or snow or rain,Rahul Gandhi will never change.

Thus this was the USB after 4 years. Give this troika another 4 years and all hell might break loose😊